{it's been a long year, and i'm finally ready to be here}

If I'm being honest, 2010 sucked. Big time.

It was a dark year
It was a desert year.

I'm going to resist the temptation to make a judgment about that... {because I would probably end up blaming myself for some cosmic failure}.

Dear Father, thank you for 2011.

I admit, I have this back burner fear that the Mayan calendar prediction is just waiting to prove itself reality. Let's go with that thought for a minute {because most thoughts deserve at least a moment, even if we end up dismissing them as unproductive tangents}. If 2012 is indeed the due date for the end of life as we know it, how do I hope to spend this last year? A few things come to mind... so in no particular order :

@ listen more - to God, to me, to people
@ stop carrying around the burden of interpreting life {conversations, relationships, interactions, conflicts, questions, opportunities} as a threat to my identity
@ settle into myself- be at home in my self
@ accept... maybe even embrace... process
@ invite God into the chaos instead of trying to manage the universe
@ delight
@ feel
@ live without pre-editing, disclaimer-ing {:)}
@ say no to some things- because as a wise woman once told me, saying no gives power to your yes
@ see the potential birthed in missteps
@ express, flow, create
@ take a self-inventory and commit to who I am
@ "Be courteous to all, but intimate with few, and let those few be well tried before you give them your confidence. True friendship is a plant of slow growth, and must undergo and withstand the shocks of adversity before it is entitled to the appellation." {thank you George Washington}
@ use my voice

I can't help but notice the anxiety that is already coming as I anticipate this next part of my journey. I know I have freedom and choice... and that there's no path that's holier than the others. But the choice is overwhelming. I think I'd rather have to walk into a definite place without knowledge of what will happen there. I was kind of thinking of Abram ... so I re-opened my Bible to his story. Then I looked back to a page in my journal where I had written down some thoughts on the guy:

Abram is called by God to leave everything he knows {with his peeps} - he sets out for a place God has yet to reveal to him.

Dammit.

He responds to the call by moving with it. If I may be so bold as to read between the lines, I'm guessing he was trusting, grieving the loss of the familiar, maybe eagerly anticipating the adventure ahead.

After this came a promise from God- a promise of blessing, LIFE, sovereignty... a promise that God would be aligned with Abram. And then, he builds an altar {enter personal application: tattoo... yes... I think so}.

Abram's story is full of f-ups. Yet you God, the ultimate covenant keeper, remain true to your promise.

So 2011... my eyes and ears are open. I think I'm ready for the adventure.
Wonderful King and Creator... speak into the dark places, I want to hear your voice.