@ love woke me up this morning ...

funny, it didn't feel like love. it felt like crazy. like chaos. like annoying. like 1:30 a.m. aaaaannnnddddd that b. dillon song has been running through my mind. i don't get too excited about mainstream Christian music. that's an understatement, actually. but whatever- something about that line of lyrics rings true. love woke me up this morning. [sigh].

So.... yes.... open Bible? Ok.... back to Abram... Genesis 15.

God has just shown up and made victory for Abram. God's next move: grant Abram a vision. I'm reading between the lines here a little, but this seems significant, special. It doesn't seem like the OT tells us that everyone got visions from God. There's something about this particular vision that strikes me. My mind is inclined to view God as this stoic, cold-blooded giant who kind of glides around exercising sovereignty that is sort of detached from humanity. This vision leads me to believe something totally different- it's more like a blessing, more like a promise, more like God revealing His warmth to Abram. God calls Abram by name, and tells him to not be afraid. Why? Because God is his shield, and Abram's reward will be grand. Seems like a fairly substantial promise. And yet... Abram's all, "but God, what good is the reward if I don't have children? Because that's the only way I can see this plan playing out the way you say. At this point, my servant is going to be the recipient of the blessing. My SERVANT." His gaze had lowered to his present circumstances. I guess that happens sometimes- we forget that our context is much greater, wider, and richer than what we can see, taste, hear, touch, and smell in the moment. I guess if I were God I'd get all, "shut up, Abram." To be honest, I'm not sure it would have been totally unlike God to respond that way... but He didn't. Instead he says (yet again), "don't worry. You will have a son... from YOU. It's gonna happen." Then God takes Abram out to see the stars- what an intimate moment. God points to nature almost poetically to reaffirm His promise to Abram. This seems extra...in addition to...personalized...caring.

Abram's response : belief.

And THEN..... I love this.... God called him righteous.
Abram is declared set-right-with-God when he believes God's crazy promises.

God continues...
"I am the same God who brought you from Ur, to give you this land... to give you a home, a place to belong." i.e. this tender promise is coming from God who has had his eyes on you- who orchestrated a plan for you- who has been your champion in a wild way.

And yet again Abram asks for reassurance. I am irritated (probably because I get irritated with my own persistent hesitation that I like to pretend is rational).
What I sense from God is deeper honesty. Get this.... He shares some of the darker parts of what is to come with Abram. Maybe that's more believable- a God who acknowledges the darkness and enters into it. God gets even more specific here. He says, "your descendants will be outsiders to a land that is not theirs....they will be enslaved and beaten for 400 years." [Ok... so... God... is going to be silent again?] "I will punish their slave masters....they will march out of there loaded with plunder." [At least there's some promise of provision and restitution.] Abram is told he will personally be spared [to which I can only ask, "why?"]

God acts in a pretty graphic way with some sacrificed animals, and makes a covenant with Abram- it is specific and factual in nature: "your children will get such and such land."

My question is this: what gives? What made this the right time for more specifics? Maybe... maybe it's because Abram demonstrated belief. In honesty, Abram brought his hesitations to the being he called God and master. He was not shamed or scorned- instead he was met with intimacy, warmth, a promise. By my standards, no way was Abram ready to believe God. Hmm... clearly God operated on the contrary... so I'm off on something. It seems that God might not require that we come without any questions or fears or uncertainties. He does require that we bring them to HIM, vs. trying to manage them ourselves (...like how Abram tried to manage his fears when he pretended Sarai was his sister).

Here's a thought - this same God has something specific to say to ME- something that is completely void of shame, something that is oozing with hope, something that is pregnant with adventure, redemption, richness, life.

I'm not sure how, but what I'm about to close with is related to this whole Abram conversation. I have been feeling rather drained of any life-love-blood lately, and I have been asking God to be alive again. My heart honestly and humbly recognizes that I can feel the blood pumping... so much so that I can barely sleep. Funny... the source seems to be things I wouldn't have chosen myself to experience. I am not presuming to be a peer of Abram; and I am presuming to serve the same God- the God who champions for us, who hears us, who dreams big for us, who says "just be all of you, bring it all to me, I want it all." Yes.... it is the God who I do believe woke me up this morning with a love, and a memory, and a dream.